Life on Grand Avenue

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2011-03-17T10:18:00.001-05:00

It's St. Patrick's Day!

There won't be any green beer or corned beef and cabbage for me today as I not only have to work, but I also have class until 10 pm. This got me thinking about the last time I truly celebrated the quarter of me that is Irish and I could not remember. So, I turned to my computer to see if I had any photos and luckily found a folder entitled "St. Patrick's Day 2007." Has it really been that long?

In March 2007 Drew and I were living in our townhouse and had just started to create some norms in our newlywed life. It's safe to say that we had friends over almost every weekend and if there was ever a reason to throw a party we found a way to make it happen. Our townhouse was large and roomy and provided plenty of space to have everyone over. More importantly, there were plenty of spaces for people to sleep if they couldn't drive themselves home.

So, since I'll be learning about organizational behavior tonight and not sipping on a Guinness I'll just have to relive some of March 2007.

:::This is the part where I wiggle my fingers and make funny noises to simulate a flashback (ie: Wayne's World):::

Funny story about Drew's hat - he just had to have that style hat but couldn't find one in green. So, we bought a white one and tried to dye it in the kitchen sink over night. I still don't know what we did wrong, but it obviously didn't work and his white hat turned light gray. After the party I don't think he ever wore that hat again.

Ryan found the polka-dot ribbon from someone else and decided to wear it around his head for the rest of the night.

My cousin Don keepin' it classy in his Hamm's vest.

Ali and Joel who stopped by after watching her brother's state basketball game (they won!).

Ryan

Me and Don

Apparently most of my photos from the night either cut off people's heads or were up close and on an angle. I guess that could be interpreted as a good time.

Done and done.

Thanks for taking a walk back in time with me. If you're celebrating - be safe and enjoy! I'll join you next year when St. Patrick's Day falls on a Saturday (2012 is a leap year)!

...and in case you didn't get my Wayne's World reference, this is for you:

Mix Tape: My obsession of the week

2011-02-22T21:54:00.000-06:00

It seems that each week I find a new song to obsess over, and this week I can't get enough of Adele's new song, Rolling In the Deep. It has a girl-powerness to it, which is most fitting for me today.

You see, I was away from my desk Thursday, Friday and Monday (I was working, but with very limited access) so when I returned to my normal routine today I had plenty of catching up to do. To add to my stress level my commute to work took over two hours because of the snow and poor road conditions. Since I was an hour late, and had a lot to do, I decided to stay a few hours later than normal to try and get organized. I think it's safe to say that I ended my work day well, so as I drove home (on the cleared roads!)I began going through my list of things to get done before calling it a night. I had the motivation I needed to get it all done including wrapping up my analysis paper for school...that is until I pulled up to my house. Little did I know, but Drew decided to not snow blow the drive way or sidewalk. To his defense he is sick, but a fair warning would have been appreciated.

So, not only is my homework not done yet but my motivation is gone and the irritation has kicked in. I realize that I'm probably being irrational right now, and I'll certainly be over it after a good night's sleep, but for now I'm going to blast my obsession of the week:

Don't you just love the dancer? Doesn't all of that hair give her a headache?

Life Begins When You Do

2011-02-15T20:19:00.000-06:00

This little poem was waiting for me in my inbox this morning. It has stuck with me all day, so I thought I would share.

Live with Intention

Walk to the edge.

Listen hard. Laugh. Play with abandon.

Practice wellness.

Continue to learn.

Choose with no regret.

Appreciate your friends.

Lead or follow a leader.

Do what you love.

Live as if this is all there is.

-- Mary Anne Radmacher

I think the last time I truly lived with intention was when Drew and I had the opportunity to get away for a week to see my brother-in-law graduate from Army bootcamp. The road trip gave me time to reflect and reminded me of what is most imporant in this life - family, friends, and health.

Vacations and sunshine are good for the soul.

Great Smoky Mountain National Park

Enjoying the ride

So proud of you!

There's a monster in my kitchen

2011-02-13T20:24:00.000-06:00

A few months ago I decided to check out the documentary Food, Inc. Knowing that Drew would have no interest in watching it with me, I took full advantage of the night I had to myself when he went out with some friends. I had mentally prepared myself for the disturbing images, but I never guessed how much it would change me and the way I eat.

Since that night in December I have been slowly cutting out all store bought meat from my diet. The first to go was chicken, and I loved chicken. My need to eat more organically has excited Drew because of his love for hunting. Instead of stocking our freezer with frozen chicken we're now stocking it with fresh venison and pheasant. Six months ago I never would have thought these changes would be happening, but they are and I feel really good about it. The best part is how CLEAN my body feels after every meal - not bogged down by fillers and chemicals.

In my quest to find new recipes, I stumbled across information on the Green Monster. Have you head about it? It's a blend of spinach (or kale) with milk, flax seed, banana, and ice. After reading more about it I was intrigued and this morning I whipped up the concoction.

Ingredients:

Baby spinach
Flax
Banana
Milk (I went with Almond Breeze unsweetened vanilla)
Ice

Mix everything together in the blender. It works best if you put in the flax and spinach first to ensure that it's fully blended.

Pour and enjoy! The green color might be scary, but all you can taste is the banana.

Tomorrow I think I will add some strawberries just for a little more sweetness. There are all sorts of Green Monster variations. Check out a few of them at the Green Monster Movement.

It's a doggy dog world

2011-02-09T22:03:00.000-06:00

Beasley.

Also lovingly referred to as: Miss Beasley. Beaze. Cheezy. Weezy. Weasel.

Rodent, Coon Claws, Bat Ears, and Moms (not sure where that one came from!).

Meet Beasley. She's our 5 pound miniature pinscher with a hefty attitude. She runs the house and always gets what she wants (including an unlimited supply of Dingos). She joined our family in August 2008 and I have a hard time remembering what life was like without her in it. She's a trusty side-kick, our welcoming committee when we get home, a cuddle bug, and an affordable home security system.

We don't have any kids yet, but Beasley is doing a great job of preparing us for when that day comes. It's a little scary how "human" she acts, and sometimes I catch myself talking to her as if she will respond.

How can you not love that little face?!?

I'm so thankful for Beasley. She's non-judgemental, loyal, and always knows how to make me feel better. If everyone had a Beasley in their life the world would be a better place, and that's a fact.

I should be doing homework...

2011-02-08T19:11:00.000-06:00

You know how kids get restless prior to a growth spurt? That's the only way I can describe how I'm feeling right now. I have not been sleeping well, my appetite has been fickle, and I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's as if my body is preparing itself for a big change. 2011 has been off to a great start (compared to the last couple of years) so I suppose a change would only be natural at this point. Right?

So what will it be?

{credit}

Love.

2010-12-04T13:11:00.000-06:00

”You can ask the universe for all the signs you want, but ultimately, we see what we want to see when we’re ready to see it.”

- How I Met Your Mother

Funny the way it is...

2010-12-03T13:10:00.001-06:00

Is it really December?? This year sure has gone by in a flash, but that may be because I have been crazy busy with work, school, and life.

Work

Work is going well, but I still have a lot to learn in my new position. I frequently ask myself, “why did you make this move? Were you out of your mind?” The truth is – I absolutely love my job and the impact that my department’s work is making in the educational world. What I’m struggling with is the feeling of being stuck in the middle. I left a team that I adored - a team that became another family for me - a team that was there when I got the call about my burning home, that saw me at my most vulnerable, that wiped away my tears and lifted me back up, that challenged me to just be me. My new team is the exact opposite, and unfortunately the two teams don’t see eye-to-eye.
School

School has been fantastic, and I’m so glad that I finally got back into the classroom. I’ve earned 12 credits so far and I’m carrying a 4.0 GPA. It’s an amazing feeling! I must admit that it has not been all rainbows and unicorns though. There were two occasions where I was this close to saying screw it all, but something kept me going and I’m glad it did. The best reward is finishing a tough paper and getting an A. My house may not be spotless, and I might have a large load of laundry to do, but this is only temporary and in less than two years I’ll finally have my bachelor’s degree.

Life

I was so excited when 2010 rolled in because I’ve always believed that the even-numbered years had more luck than the odd-numbered years. I remember telling my therapist this right before we took a break for the holidays, and she looked at me as if I was out of my mind. As I reflect on the last twelve months I think she was right – my theory was ridiculous. Drew and I had a lot of challeges to overcome in 2010 – a lot of them we kept to ourselves – but we made it. Thank God.

Thoughts on Therapy: The day my life went up in flames {Part 2}

2010-02-25T13:08:00.000-06:00

November 2007 – Present

Things were going well for us. We picked up our house hunt again after having taken a break since the fire. I was excited to be looking at listings and daydream about our future. After going back and forth a few times, Drew and I decided to write an offer for a little house in Random Lake, my hometown. I never thought I would ever move back to my hometown but after the fire, I realized how safe I felt there. The day after Thanksgiving we wrote our offer and then went about our day to run errand. Two hours after meeting with the realtor, we got a phone call saying that our offer had been accepted. We were so excited!

December was filled with preparing for yet another move. My mom graduated with her second Master’s degree and I hosted a party for her so that everyone could see our apartment before we moved out. On December 23rd, Drew got his puppy that he had wanted since the day we had started looking at houses. Tonka, our black lab/German short hair mix, joined our family and Bella wasn’t too thrilled. For Christmas that year, we got a bunch of Home Depot gift cards for our new home. For New Year’s Eve, we went to dinner with some friends at Applebee’s and then headed to a party that our friends, Joel and Ali, hosted every year. Two hours into the party, Drew got sick and decided to head home. He told me to stay at the party and have fun, so I did, hoping that he would feel better and come back before midnight. At 11:30, I realized that Drew probably wasn’t going to make it back and I got really sad. The second half of 2007 had been so hard on us; it was just so ironic that New Year’s Eve had turned into a disaster. I was upset, but felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when 2008 rolled around. It was a fresh start. 2008 was going to be a GREAT year. I got home at 3am, after celebrating the holiday with friends and walked in to Drew lying on the floor in the bathroom. He looked terrible and the whole apartment smelled bad. With the little energy he had left, he told me that he couldn’t even remember how many times he had thrown up and that he couldn’t hold anything down – not even water.

The next morning, on New Year’s Day, Drew was still throwing up. He had not gone to the bathroom and he had not eaten anything. I got scared and called the doctor and he told me to take Drew to the hospital right away to get some fluids pumped into his system. He was admitted right away and ultimately diagnosed with food poisoning. I was relieved that it was nothing too serious but sad that we were starting off the new year in the ER. Two bags of fluid later and Drew was discharged.

On the morning of January 31, 2008 we closed on our very first home. All was good in the world. Our nights and weekends were now consumed with DIY projects. Finally, my life was filled with GOOD stress. Everything was under control. As the snow started to melt, we started to spend more time outside and finally got to meet our neighbors. Just like me, they were both hometown natives. I was thrilled to see that I actually knew them because they were only 5-7 years older and as a middle schooler, I remembered seeing them in the high school and at sporting events. Life was swell and meeting the neighbors solidified that for me.

In August 2008, Drew decided that after six years of doing masonry he was ready for a change. His step-dad got him a job as a Machine Shop Helper. The only opening was on third shift, but I learned to adjust to the new schedule. I was just happy that Drew was happy and learning new skills while also making more money.

On Sunday, October 19th Drew and I were having a lazy day. We had gone out the night before with some friends so we were both tired. We spent the day watching football and lounging on the couch. Drew and I had silenced our cell phones the night before so that we could sleep in but had forgotten to turn the volume back up when we woke up. As Drew was preparing for work, he finally noticed that our phones were silenced and that we had both missed a bunch of calls from my mom and sisters. Drew called my mom back and got the news that my dad was in ICU at the hospital because they thought he had a heart attack. She didn’t go into much detail, but told us to get there asap. Since Drew had to work that night, and since he was still a very new employee, he told me to go alone. So, just like I did when I got news of our fire, I had to somehow drive myself, a total wreck, all the way to the hospital with little knowledge about my dad. I remember walking, almost running, through the parking lot to get to the reception desk. When I had to tell the lady who I was looking for, I was shaking so bad that she could barely understand me. I think I had to repeat myself a few times before she fully understood me. When I got to my dad’s room, in the ICU, he was not in there and his bed was gone. My mom and my sisters were just hanging out and talking. My first thought was that my dad was gone, forever. I never had the opportunity to say good bye or to tell him that I loved him one last time. I was frozen in the doorway. My mom started approaching me and told me that everything was fine. My dad was in surgery and that he did not have a heart attack, but came very close to. I cried – but it was tears of relief. A few hours later, my dad was wheeled back to his room. That had done a catherization and inserted a stent into one of his arteries. It was late and my mom was exhausted. I let her go home to rest and spent the night in the hospital with my dad in the most uncomfortable recliner ever. The next morning, my mom and sister, Heidi, returned. I fed my dad breakfast and then he got lectured by the surgeon, his doctor and the nutritionist about eating less fatty foods and to quit smoking. My dad is stubborn, so I don’t think he listened much. He was more concerned with arguing about how many pills they want him to take for the rest of his life. I knew then, that everything would be ok. My dad was acting like his normal self again. Also, during that morning, my sister, Romy, called my dad’s room to announce that she had taken a pregnancy test the night before and it was positive. I was so happy for her, but at the same time a bit angry that she chose to make the announcement after such a scary day and I was also a bit jealous since I wanted to be in her shoes. Since we had bought our house, I felt that starting a family was the next step but it just wasn’t working out that easily for us.

On December 18th, 2008 Drew got notice that he was being temporarily laid off at work due to the slowing economy. He was paid through January 5th and then started to collect unemployment. We were hopeful that the layoff was not permanent and assumed that within a few months he would be working again. So, with that state of mind, Drew did not take his job search too seriously. He liked what he was doing and figured it was a waste of time for him to apply for another job. Well, we could not have been more wrong. June was quickly approaching and Drew’s unemployment benefit was quickly coming to an end. At the last minute he started to scramble for a job. Luckily, his friend had just started a new job with his uncle’s company and he was looking for more help. Drew was hired a few days later and began his new venture mid-June.

Over the six months that Drew was unemployed, my stress level increased at a very rapid rate. Bills could not get paid, or were paid late. I was in fear that everything we had worked so hard for was again at risk of being taken away from us by something that was once again out of our control. I also had an underlying fear of something traumatic happening at home again because Drew was home every single day. I think I started to resent him. I was mad that I had to get up every day and go to work and he could do whatever he wanted. He didn’t help out around the house as much as I would have liked him to and I frequently came home after a long day to a cluttered house and dirty dishes. On top of all that, Drew’s attitude started to change. It was a huge blow to his ego to once again not be able to take care of his family (me and the pets). We argued a lot which added even more to my stress level. I was not sleeping well and would wake up some mornings feeling groggier than normal and extremely confused. It took a few minutes for me to figure out where I was.

I finally went to the doctor to get checked out because I was scared that something was seriously wrong with me. The blood test results indicated that I had Vitamin D deficiency so I started taking supplements. My follow-up appointment was three months later in September and I had more blood work done. Everything came back normal and that’s when the doctor labeled me with PTSD. As soon as those words came out of his mouth, I knew it. I had known all along that the fire was my biggest issue. The doctor was going to prescribe me Cymbalta, even though I told him I would not take any drugs for mental health. I suggested seeing a psychologist and he agreed.

Here I am. I am ready to face this head on. I am no longer going to waste my energy burying my fears – it’s time to move on with my life.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

- E.M. Forster

Thoughts on Therapy: The day my life went up in flames {Part 1}

2010-02-24T13:02:00.001-06:00

After meeting with my therapist for the first time we had a two week break due to schedule conflicts. So, my therapist gave me some homework. I had to write out my story about the fire and include every single detail I could recall. When we met again, I had to read the story outloud to her. Writing and reading this was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do.

July 18th, 2007

It was a Wednesday and it was warm and sunny. Drew and I were looking forward to the weekend, as we were going to have a few friends over for Fish Day on Saturday and then celebrate our one year anniversary on Sunday. The weekend was so close we could barely stand it. Drew left for work at 5:30 am and I headed out around 7:15 am. I was wearing my khaki capris that I loved with a white summery top, a tank top underneath, and my new black sandals.

My day was going well, just another day at the office and another day closer to the weekend. We were super busy that day trying to process registrations. My co-worker, Mary, was out of the office. She had a vacation day but luckily we had the extra help of our student worker, Emma. At 4:15 pm, I got a phone call from someone who had directly dialed my extension. I did not recognize the number on the caller id. I assumed it was someone’s cell phone and picked up the phone.

“University Outreach, this is Megan,” I said.

The caller responded with a jumbled mess of words. It was like they were speaking in a different language. I could not understand anything they had just yelled into the phone, not one word.

“Hello?” I asked.

Again, it was another mess of words. I started to wonder if someone was just messing around. Drew had been notorious for prank calling people, as well as his friends. Frustrated that my time was being wasted, and wanting to leave work on time, I hung up the phone. Our student worker, Emma, was in my office looking for something and had heard the whole conversation and we laughed it off. Then, the phone rang again. It was from the same number that I had just hung up on.

“University Outreach, this is Megan,” I said, again.

The voice responded, more slowly and clearly, “Megan, this is Drew, I’m calling from the neighbor’s cell phone. Our house is on fire – you need to get home NOW!”

My whole body went numb and for a second I couldn’t function. I was in shock.

“Are you there?” He said.

“Yes. What do you mean our house is on fire?” I yelled.
“Just get home, now!” He yelled back.

The phone went dead. He hung up on me. Again, I was in shock. Emma had heard everything. She tried to console me but I can’t remember what she said. It was all a blur.

“Holy shit, my house is on fire. I have to go home” I proclaimed to her.

At that point my co-worker’s heard the commotion and came to my office to assist me. Emma quietly told me to leave, just go, and that she would take care of shutting everything down for me. As I was running out the door my co-worker, Marty, followed me out and said what I was not ready to hear – “don’t worry hun, the renter’s insurance will replace all of your belongings!” Little did she know, Drew and I did not have renter’s insurance. In fact, I had just gotten a quote for it a few weeks earlier when I had bought my new car and was updating my policy. The most ironic part of it was that the paperwork was sitting on top of the microwave in my burning kitchen.

I held myself together until I got to my car. As soon as I was out of the parking lot, with my sunglasses on, I completely lost it. I was crying so hard that I was hyper ventilating. I didn’t know what else to do so I called my parents. My mom answered the phone. Normally she never would have been home on a Wednesday afternoon because she was working towards her second master’s degree – however she had just had her final class the week before. She was all done with school and she was home to answer my call. I don’t remember anything about our conversation except for telling her what was going on and her trying to calm me down enough so that I could drive. The drive home was like a bad nightmare. I was filled with fear, sadness and millions of questions…how did this happen? Why did this happen? Why us? Why now? Is Bella ok? What about our neighbor’s homes? What will everything look like? What are we going to do?

As I got closer to home, I was scanning the sky for black smoke and flames. I was looking for anything that signaled there was a fire because in my mind, I was preparing myself for the worst. I was planning on seeing nothing more than ashes, upset neighbors, and firefighters.

There was nothing. No signs of an emergency. I started to wonder if it was some sort of sick and twisted joke. Who would think this sort of thing is funny? I felt angry, very angry. And then, I saw it all. I made my turn onto our street and there they were – the fire trucks, the police cars, the cars of the first responders, the ambulance, and a bunch of curious onlookers. Oh god, this really isn’t a joke.

I didn’t think I would be able to get into the parking lot, so I parked on the street. I had finally stopped crying, but started to get shaky and weak. I had to take a deep breath before I got out of the car. I started to walk quickly towards a herd of firefighters. My shoes were slowing me down, so I took them off in the middle of the street and went barefoot. The first firefighter I saw was Tom. He is not only a firefighter, but also the owner of a jewelry store in town. He was a mentor for Drew while he was growing up and he had designed our wedding rings for us. As soon as he saw me, he gave me a big hug. He told me that Drew was ok, that the fire wasn’t that bad and that they were able to save Bella. After the fire sparked she sprinted down to the basement and sat in the window. The firefighters were able to open the window, cut the screen and pull her out. She was safe and sound and the neighbor’s house.

I ran up to the front of the townhouse where I saw more firefighters, our neighbors and Drew. He was just sitting in the grass with a blank stare on his face. He was covered from head to toe in soot. His white t-shirt was now black, as well as all of his exposed skin. He looked like a coal miner. I gave him a big hug and sat down next to him, just watching all of the strangers going in and out of our home. The windows were all open and I could hear lots of beeping – someone told me that was the sound of the firefighters checking for hot spots in the walls. There was an eerie silence, but I remember seeing a lot of activity. It was like a part in a movie where they show a montage and play very sad music. The silence was really starting to bother me so I started asking Drew questions. I must have been shooting out too many questions because Drew quickly silenced me. He wasn’t ready to talk and I retreated.

Finally the fire chief approached us and said that it was safe to enter the house. As we were getting ready to go in and assess the damages, my parents showed up. I felt relieved to see them. My mom started asking the fire chief a million questions, things that I never would have thought to ask because of how distracted I was. He confirmed that our home was deemed unlivable. There was too much smoke damage, on all three floors. He also explained that by the time they showed up, the fire had extinguished itself because of how extremely hot it was. Before we went in, I asked the fire chief if it was ok to grab our personal belongings. I wasn’t sure what I could and couldn’t do. I had no idea if they needed to investigate, if they needed to take photos, or anything of that nature. He told me to grab whatever we could and then offered the support of the Red Cross. My parents stepped in and declined the offer and then stated that we could stay with them rather than check-in to a hotel.

The conversation started to wrap-up and it was time for us to really go inside our charred home. It was hot and humid. The odor nearly suffocated me. The air was dead. I headed upstairs to our bedroom and grabbed our wedding photos that were waiting to be framed. They were still wrapped up in plastic and were unharmed. I think I handed them to my dad so that he could take them out to the car right away. Then, I got down on my hands and knees to look under the bed for Bella. I had forgotten that she was safe a few doors down. We had hard wood floors in our bedroom, but they felt more like the hot sand on a beach. They were very warm because our room was directly above the kitchen where the fire had originated. It was the strangest feeling. Drew found me upstairs and we started to throw whatever we could into our luggage bags and backpacks. Neither one of us knew what was important enough to grab first. We started throwing clothes into the bags as well as our daily necessities (deodorant, tooth paste, shampoo and conditioner, etc). Again, I think my dad was there to take our things out to the car for us. So we wandered around, like strangers, in our own home. Our first home together – the place where we were starting our new life together as a married couple. Everything was covered in black soot. Our white walls were black and the white carpet had black footprints all over it. My curtains and blinds were all melted, right off the rods. Everything we had worked so hard for, all of our wedding gifts, were ruined in the blink of an eye. I stood there and cried and my mom hugged me. Drew walked around, taking everything in, with the same blank stare he had from the moment I saw him. There were no words that could make either one of us feel better, or maybe it was just that we didn’t know what to say. The only words I can remember from Drew were, “I’m sorry.” He would repeat it over and over again and then not talk for a while. It was like he had hoped that if he apologized enough that this would all go away. I could feel the guilt he was carrying and it tore me apart. I quickly realized that one of us had to stay strong. We would get nowhere if both of us were grieving from such a traumatic event. I decided that I would be the strong one. Drew had gone through so much more than I did. He was in the house when the fire started, he almost got trapped in the house, he saw the flames surrounding him and he was the one to warn all of our neighbors to get out. There was no time for me to be upset because I needed to worry about Drew.
We continued our tour of the townhouse and tried to get a visual assessment of the damages. Most of the smoke damage was on the main floor, but it had also made its way to the basement and the second floor. Everything was covered in a dusting of soot. I walked into the laundry room, in the basement, to grab some more clothes and heard the sound of trickling water. At first I thought it was the washing machine but then I something caught my eye – dripping down the basement wall was the water and foam that had been sprayed onto the stove. I moved everything I could away from the wall to avoid any water damage and cleared a path for the water to lead itself to the floor drain.

When I made my way back upstairs, I saw that my mom was showing the neighbor boy around our house. She had invited him in and, being the teacher she is, was giving him a visual lesson in why you need to be careful when using the stove. The neighbor boy, an outgoing nine year old, was very quiet and looked quite stunned. I felt guilty at that moment because we were almost responsible for taking away his home, too.

My parents headed home to start preparing my old bedroom for us to stay in. Drew and I grabbed a few more things and then headed to my hometown. Drew took a shower right away and put on some clean clothes. When he was done, I gave our cat Bella a bath. She hated the water and I felt terrible for traumatizing her even more but it needed to get done. She scratched me pretty bad and actually tore up my tank top in her attempts to escape the bath tub. I tried to calm her but she wanted nothing to do with me. She had just survived a fire, got moved around to a strangers house and then to my parents house and then was forced to take a bath. I started to wonder if after all that, that I would end up giving her a heart attack and kill her.

The rest of the evening was pretty quiet. We ate dinner with my parents. We watched television. My co-worker, Stacy, called me to see how things were going. I gave her all the details and told her that I was not planning on being at work the next day. Stacy really didn’t say much, she just gave me the opportunity to vent and I think that’s what I needed after such a long day. Later on, I got a phone call from the apartment management company. The woman on the other end was pretty dry. She asked how Drew and I were doing but didn’t seem to care about my response. She then inquired as to whether or not we had renter’s insurance. I informed her that we did not and the joked about the irony of having just gotten a quote for it the week before. She didn’t get the joke and then started to explain to me how Drew and I were going to be responsible for their deductible of $3000. I was in shock. After all that we had just gone through, she cared more about us forking over more money and doing so in a timely matter. She also wanted to remind me that we would not be getting our security deposit back. Well, hello? Wasn’t that part obvious? I was annoyed and disappointed that I was being treated like a criminal. In fear that she was going to ask for another month’s worth of rent for August, I made it clear that our townhouse would be cleared out by July 31. We had no intent on returning when the townhouse was remodeled due to the emotional strain and how poorly we were treated by the woman. The conversation ended unresolved – she was asking for money and I was refusing to pay.

Drew and I got to sleep in a big, comfy, king-sized bed that night. I slept well but Drew had a few nightmares. Bella slept under the bed.

Thursday morning we got up around 8 and headed straight to the townhouse. It was just the two of us. As we approached the front door, it felt like we were returning home, like nothing had happened the day before. I was the first to enter. The smell was like a brick wall and that’s when reality hit me. This was no dream. My body didn’t know how to react, there was too much to take in all at once so I fell to my knees and sobbed. Drew let me be and started to quietly pack up the things that we could save.

The next two days were spent cleaning out our home. Our days started around 8 am and ended when the sun started to go down. The electricity was shut off by the firefighters and we never turned it back on so we only had the daylight to work with. The management company had rented a dumpster and allowed us to use it. It was difficult to throw our things away, especially because most of it was still new to us.

The weekend of July 21-22, we decided to take a break from the townhouse. That Saturday we spent at Fish Day. We watched the parade from a friend’s house and then walked around for a bit. We ran into a lot of our friends who had either not heard about the fire or just heard through the grapevine. Drew and I just wanted a break, mentally and physically, so it was draining on both of us to have to keep talking about it. It got to the point, eventually, where we just tried to laugh it off because we could see how uncomfortable our friends were talking about it. No one knew what to say or do to make us feel better. Later on, we met up with my parents and Uncle to get some fish and chips. Most of our time together was spent talking about the fire. My uncle commented on how surprised he was at how well Drew and I were handling the situation, and at that point, I was surprised too. Our conversation came to a quick halt when my cousin’s friend started having a seizure. We all rushed to get medical help and then never had the opportunity to reconvene. Drew and I headed home, to my parent’s house, for a few hours to get some rest. Later on in the evening we drove back to the festival to watch the fireworks on the lakefront. We had planned to meet up with some friends but plans fell through and we decided to watch the show alone.

Sunday, July 22 was our first wedding anniversary. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d be celebrating my first anniversary by waking up in my childhood bedroom, without a place to call mine. What a difference a year can make! My dad made us breakfast and then my parent’s asked us to pick a place that we would like to go for dinner. They were going to treat us to a dinner, along with the rest of my family. Drew and I were having a difficult time making a decision, probably because our heads were cluttered with other things, so my sister recommended an Italian restaurant. We were both tired of worrying about it and accepted the offer. We all headed to dinner and met up with two of my sisters and their families. After dinner we all went over to Heidi’s house for a bonfire. Drew and I were not there for more than 30 minutes and I needed to leave -being around the fire made me feel anxious and upset. I don’t think anyone fully understood why my body reacted the way it did, not even me, but I knew that I had to get away from it. I believe this is the point where I started to bury my feelings. The day before I was strong and optimistic and the next day I’m falling apart. I didn’t want to show my weakness, especially not in front of Drew. We left the party and headed to the theater to see the latest Adam Sandler movie. Of course, in the movie Adam Sandler’s character played a firefighter – just my luck! I don’t think I paid too much attention, in fact, I think I was more in awe at how many people were at the movie theater so late on a Sunday night.

The following week, Drew and I spent every day cleaning out our townhouse. As the days went by things started to get easier. I still had my little meltdowns, but we were starting to feel the pressure of being out by July 31. None of our friends were there to help us and it really made me sad – I don’t think anyone ever really offered to help us. I started to wonder if they even cared about our well-being. My parent’s and in-laws were able to help us out as much as possible, as well as our neighbors. They were all sad to see us leave and angry with how poorly we were being treated by the management company. Two of the women actually took it upon themselves to call and complain about their lack of concern and greediness. It felt good to have someone standing up for us, but it seemed to irritate the lady I was dealing with in regards to the insurance deductible. She was never kind on the phone and the tone of her voice was almost condescending and threatening. Everyone kept telling me that she was trying to scare us into paying them, taking full advantage at how naïve she thought we were. She never believed me when I would tell her that we had sought out legal advice. It was not until my cousin contacted the woman directly that the phone calls stopped. I never heard from her, or the management company, again.

Drew and I were officially out of our townhouse on July 30. We handed in our keys to the on-site apartment manager and thought we would be able to leave quickly. Little did we know that she would have so much to share with us. As an extremely spiritual person, she told us how much she had been praying for our well-being and how she had requested for us to be in her congregation’s prayers. She was visibly upset that we were moving out, for good, and kept repeating how we were such good tenants. This was the first time that someone, outside of our family, had expressed their sadness for us and our situation. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and started to cry. I was so tired of crying, but I could not stop myself.

On the Tuesday, following the fire, I went back to work for the first time since I had rushed out. All of my co-workers were so supportive. One in particular, Stacy, was there for me immediately. She came into my office to see how things were going – since the last time we had talked was the night of the fire. Again, I couldn’t go into much detail because it was choking me up. I cried and then felt embarrassed that I couldn’t remain professional at work. Stacy shut the door to my office and just sat there with me. She didn’t say anything, I don’t know that she knew what to say, but I felt safe having her there with me. She was a witness to it all and then helped me pull myself back together. Later that afternoon, everyone gathered in my co-worker, William’s, office to present me with about three large boxes filled with things that everyone from around the Stritch campus had donated to me and Drew. A whole dish set, silverware, oven mitts, a wine rack, a recipe box, coffee glasses and other knick knacks. After the fire, Stacy had sent out an email to the entire Stritch community to request donations for us. Along with the donations was a card from the Staff Development Committee with a gift card, to Kohl’s, for $50. Again, I cried…only this time it was in front of all of my co-workers and not in the privacy of my office.

The weeks following the fire were overwhelming and stressful. I began to feel distant from Drew which frustrated me because of how new our marriage was. We both had our own ways of coping with the trauma. He would meet up with his friend, Bill, after work and go hunting until it was dark out. I would go straight to my parent’s house after work, have dinner with them and then lounge around. I felt safe being at “home” again. Nothing bad ever happened to me in the 22 years that I lived with them.

Towards the middle of August, I could tell that Drew was starting to feel ashamed that we were living with my parents. He wanted to pick up the pieces and move on with life. We started apartment hunting after work and over the weekends but nothing ever felt like the right fit for us. Eventually we saw an ad in the paper for an apartment that was looking for a low rent payment, water included and only a six month lease. We decided to go for it and figured that if we hated it, we were only stuck for six months and not a year. Drew toured the apartment while I was at work, since he got off earlier than me. He called me and described how awesome it was. I met up with him that night to take a look. The pros were that it was large enough to hold all of our belongings, it was affordable, and it had lots of windows (something I like). The cons were that there was no central a/c, it was above a fairly popular bar, there were no designated parking spots, it was the second story and it was in a brick building. After having just gone through a fire, a brick building was the last place I wanted to live. If there was another fire, God forbid, the apartment would become an oven. I expressed my concerns to Drew but he managed to talk me into signing a lease. That night, I had a nightmare that we were trapped inside of the burning brick building. I chose to keep the nightmare to myself because I didn’t want to upset Drew. I also felt guilty for being so scared, because again, I was not the one who was in the fire at the townhouse. I felt foolish for being so paranoid.
There were a few mornings, on my way to work, that I had panic attacks. I had never felt that before and was surprised with how much it consumed my entire body and state of mind. I couldn’t focus on anything and questioned why I ever thought I was ok to even drive. It was as if I was drunk on fear of all the “what if’s. “ Some days I would turn around and head back to my parent’s house. I hated having to call into work, but I didn’t know what else to do. Other days, I would fight through it and get to work but as I was parking my car, I would wonder how I ever made it. I could not remember driving; I was lost in a daze.

Drew and I immediately started moving everything into our new apartment the following weekend. Again, no one offered to help us out except for our immediate family. In fact, two of our friends were moving that weekend and everyone decided to help them out instead because they were being treated to pizza and beer afterwards. I was disgusted and angry, but I think that worked to my advantage because my adrenaline helped me carry the heavy items up the steep flight of stairs. Almost everything was moved in one day but it took me almost two months to officially move in. With Drew not knowing about my nightmare, he didn’t understand why I kept finding reasons to continue living with my parents. This led to numerous arguments, but I still felt the need to keep everything to myself. I thought that if he knew what was really stopping me, I would never hear the end of it.

At the end of September, my parents decided to get more involved with what was going on. They could see, and probably feel, the tension between Drew and me. I’m sure they were getting annoyed with having two extra people in the house, after having just adjusted to becoming empty-nesters. My mom had politely suggested that Drew and I start living in our apartment. I lost it. I had the type of melt down that a toddler has when their parent won’t buy them a toy at the store. Looking back, it’s humiliating to know that I acted that way. It the middle of all of that, I finally admitted why I had been procrastinating to move out. I told them all about my nightmare, how real it felt, how scared I was – and they gave me no sympathy. Not my mom, dad or Drew. I wasn’t looking for someone to feel sorry for me, but I was stunned that they didn’t get it. Why weren’t they scared like me? That afternoon, I packed up what was left at my parent’s house (mostly clothes and other daily necessities) and begrudgingly moved into our apartment. I didn’t talk to my parents for two days. I was mad. How dare they kick me out like that! I wasn’t ready; at least I didn’t feel ready. I needed my security blanket and they stripped it away from me. Drew gave me my space and I returned the favor by giving him an attitude. Our new apartment was quiet, except for the sounds from the bar below us. We turned up our music and started putting everything in its place.

A few weeks later, we decided to throw a Halloween party with all of our friends. I had gotten over my anger towards them for not helping us out and was looking for a good time. Everyone had a lot of fun, no one mentioned the fire and from that point on I thought everything would be ok.

My Angel

2010-02-21T12:59:00.000-06:00

My beloved grandma was only part of my life, on earth, for nine short years before she passed away. Nine years was not nearly enough time but she left a huge imprint on my heart. I know she watches over me every day because I can feel her presence. Today would have been her 106th birthday.

Me, Nikki, and Grandma (1985)

Happy Birthday Grandma. I hope everyone throws you a big party in heaven – filled with Armenian treats and pink roses.

Thoughts on Therapy: Events that lead me to therapy

2010-02-19T12:55:00.002-06:00

In September 2009 I began seeing a therapist on a weekly basis because I had been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). On July 18, 2007, I lost my townhouse to a fire. On top of that, it was only three short days before my first wedding anniversary. I spent the next two years of my life spinning out of control: missing work because of panic attacks, not being able to see, smell, or talk about fire and always feeling sick. The fear and anxiety had overcome me and with it all I also started to put on weight which really screwed with my self-esteem.

While the fire is what ultimately lead me to therapy - in my discussions with my therapist other issues have come to the surface which she is now helping me work through:

The fear of losing my parents
Never really having the opportunity to be in “newlywed bliss”
Not knowing where I want to go in life

My goal, with this open journal, is to document the healing and growth I am experiencing while in therapy.

Update: 2009 Goals

2009-07-13T17:00:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe that it's already July, mid-July nonetheless. This is where we stand with our 2009 goals (in no particular order):

Paint the exterior of our house - Well, let's just say that we have a general idea of what colors we would like to paint the house. On top of that decision, we also got an estimate to have our house completely re-sided. Unfortunately, our bank account is forcing us to put this project on hold but you better believe it is already on the top of my list for 2010.

Finish the flooring - As I mentioned in an earlier post, this is such an easy project to do and an even easier one to keep putting off. It's a love/hate relationship with our flooring. I sometimes catch myself daydreaming of tearing it all out and just starting over. This might be the reason why it's not getting done.

Update the kitchen - We've added trim to our cabinets and gave them a fresh coat of white paint. They're wonderful and the kitchen feels more cheerful and inviting. Our walls are now a pomegranate red, but need a second coat. The cabinets and drawers still need hardware. We're searching high and low for the perfect counter top. The best news is that we do not have to invest in a new sink! I was able to get all of the stains out of the ceramic with a little elbow grease and Bar Keeper's Friend (as suggested by my sister). AWESOME!

Remodel the bathroom - Does a new shower curtain count? Or, how about a grapefruit-sized hole in the drywall? Yeah, we can thank our meat-head dog, Tonka, for that one. Although we have our plan all figured out, this project is also on hold.

Landscape the yard - In my mind, our gardens in the front and backyard will be gorgeous. But for the time being, it is a work in progress! I never thought playing in the dirt could be so relaxing after a long day at work.

Tear out the concrete stairs leading up our driveway - While working on the garden, I came up with a new plan that does not involve the destruction of our stairway. The previous homeowner had lined the gardens with field stone which I have since removed and stacked neatly off to the side. My little stack turned into a pretty cool looking wall which inspired me to build a small retaining wall over the stairs. I'm hoping to have this done before the snow starts to fall, although here in Wisco that could happen at any time.

Eliminate all consumer debt - In progress...I really hate Drew's new job, but I'm grateful that we are no longer living off of one income and unemployment. Having two solid paychecks again is helping us get back above water.

Get healthy - In progress. It's a funny thing when Drew is on the road - I eat so much better! I love that he cooks for me, but throwing fried chicken on a salad does not mean that it is still healthy. I have also been taking advantage of the fitness center where I work and taking more walks with my mom. I fell off the bandwagon with my running but I've had the urge to pick it back up. Also, I've been on a crazy cleaning-spree over the last few weeks which means that I'm spending more time moving than I am on the couch. Small steps, but I'm working towards my goal.

The cake

2009-06-28T17:25:00.007-05:00

I found this extremely easy and fun recipe over at The Tipsy Hostess and thought it would be a fun dessert for Father's Day.

All you need is:

Your favorite cake mix
1 can of your favorite frosting
Two 8-inch cake pans
A bag of M&M's
A bag of Kit Kat bars
Ribbon (if you want to add a theme)

Preheat the oven

Prepare the cake mix

I was bored with the plain batter, so I added some sprinkles that I had in my cabinet

Pour the batter evenly into two 8-inch cake pans

Allow for your cake to cool completely, then stack and frost

Stick your Kit Kat bars around the edge of your cake, and if you "accidentally"
break a few feel free to eat them. No one will notice, I promise.

Pour the M&M's onto the top of the cake and allow for them
to fall around the base of the cake as well

Bon Appetit!

Happy Birthday Justin!

2009-06-05T07:00:00.001-05:00

Happy 10th Birthday to my nephew, Justin!

I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. My sister had gone into labor the night before, on her birthday. We had all gone out to dinner at a little Greek diner but it didn't last long because her contractions were too strong for her to be out and about. My mom and I spent the next day at the hospital patiently waiting. We walked all over downtown Milwaukee, sat in the uncomfortable waiting room, watched tv, walked some more and then finally Justin made his grand entry into the world. He was a perfect little baby boy with long skinny legs. He did not fit the mold for our family with his lanky body and small, normal sized, head. I think there may have actually been a running joke about him being the only family member that had a head to fit in the small hat the hospital provides. The rest of us were all born with gargantuan sized heads that the hat never fit. I can't believe how quickly ten years have gone by. Happy Birthday Justin!

Happy Birthday Romy!

2009-06-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to my big sis!

Wishing you a year of love and happiness!

Little Things

2009-05-29T11:15:00.004-05:00

The best part of taking time to step out of your busy life is being able to appreciate the little things:

Mom Duck and her babies just passing by

Watching Tonka and Lucy race to retrieve the ball from the water

Getting funny pictures of Lucy - watch out for the wet dog!

Big thanks to my friend, Maggie, for allowing us to tag along with her to the cabin for Memorial Day weekend. It was the best way to kick-off another Wisconsin summer!

Case of the Mondays

2009-05-11T10:05:00.005-05:00

Our Little One

2009-05-06T20:02:00.002-05:00

Late fall, last year, my parents surprised us with this little magnolia tree they found on clearance. I planted it right away but was fearful that it wouldn't make it through the harsh Wisconsin winter. As you can see, it made it and we had our first bloom just over a week ago. I enjoyed watching it change and grow and decided to document it. My neighbors probably thought I was weird, but I think the final product is picture perfect.

Change is something that I frequently resist, but this magnolia proves to me that if you accept change for what it is and go with the flow you will have grown into a stronger, more beautiful, human being.

A Much Needed Break

2009-04-26T21:53:00.004-05:00

Drew and I decided to use this rainy weekend to catch up on some much needed rest. After running errands Saturday morning, the rest of our time was spent watching a handful of movies.

We rented:

Slumdog Millionaire - Loved it! A sweet story about fate, life and love.
Wanted - I hate movies that aren't realistic and this was beyond ridiculous. Good action film, if you're into stupid.
Marley & Me - Drew and I felt connected to this true story - Marley was just like Tonka. I cried my eyes out at the end and I think Drew was fighting back a few tears himself.
Role Models - Super funny!
Zach & Miri - I had my doubts on this one but I ended up liking it.
Tropic Thunder - So dumb. We thought, based on recommendations, that it would be funny but I was bored after the first five minutes.

I did manage to take a break from the movies for a while to whip up some cupcakes and my first attempt at homeade frosting. I was excited to try and decorate my treats like a pro and quickly realized that it's not as easy as the pro's make it look. The frosting was gross and my pastry bag skills need a lot of work. I thought about taking pictures until I realized how silly they looked...maybe next time.

Yay for April Babies!

2009-04-22T14:21:00.003-05:00

Here's wishing my best friend, Amie, a very happy 25th birthday!

I'm so happy this girl is in my life. She's a lifelong friend that I'm honored to have grown up with. Through thick and thin we have always been there for each other - just like sisters.

She's one amazing friend!

TURKEY BASTER! :)

Oh, and a happy Earth Day to everyone too! Plant a tree or two!

My Fitness Pal

2009-04-15T09:54:00.003-05:00

Gone are the days of being able to eat whatever I want and not have to work for my flat stomach and over the last ten years I've put on more weight then I would like to admit to. I'm not a fan of dieting - I'd rather be physically active and reduce my caloric intake. This all sounds fine but when it's time to follow through I usually fail...until last night.

I stumbled upon this amazing FREE tool, MyFitnessPal, which allows you to track your daily exercise and the food you eat. The best part is that it does all the math for you! I just select the food from a list and it enters everything else. It's so easy!

I probably sound like a cheesy used-car salesman right now but I know you'll love it if you give it a shot.

Vacation

2009-04-10T15:29:00.011-05:00

To kick-off my five day weekend Drew and I spent the afternoon in the city yesterday. We had a nice little lunch at the Midwest Diner, a quick walk-through of the military surplus store and then we were off to the museum. I finally got to visit the Titanic exhibit! It was amazing. The spookiest artifact was a uniform from a ship steward that did not survive. His handwritten name was on the back tag and the crisp white shirt was tattered and torn...I get chills just thinking about it. The coolest artifact was a huge piece of the hull of the ship. I started to feel very emotional being surrounded by all the history. Being in the presence of the artifacts, seeing the pictures and reading the quotes just added a human touch to everything. I wish that I was allowed to take pictures, but cameras were forbidden. Lame!

Prior to the Titanic exhibit, Drew and I wandered through the rest of the museum. I haven't been through it for a number of years and was surprised to see that NOTHING has changed. It looks just as it did when I went there for a field trip in fourth grade. It made me wonder who gets to dust everything...

Today I planted three new arbor vitae on the west side of our house. We're hoping that the new plants will keep our dog(s) from trying to dig through to visit with the neighbor dog. When they grow a little higher, they will also hide the ugly utility monitor on the side of our house. I also spent a few hours today cleaning up the yard. I can't believe how much stuff I had to take to the dump (leaves, pine needles, branches, etc). It really builds up over the winter months but I feel refreshed now that it's gone!

I'm also happy to report that our little magnolia tree made it through the harsh winter! I can't wait until the buds burst open with the beautiful flowers and scent!

Reflection

2009-03-30T16:10:00.005-05:00

My birthday buddy at work (we share the same exact birthday, same year and all) has a fear of turning 25. I can't figure out why because to me, it's just the start of our adult lives. However, even though it's just a number I will agree that it's a bit overwhelming. As with any birthday, it's a time for reflection and also to look ahead to what the future holds.

Looking back - I've done a lot of growing up in the last 25 years, more specifically in the last three or four years. I am grateful for all that my parent's have done to raise me to become the person I am today. I hated growing up in a small po-dunk town but I've learned to appreciate the simplicity of my life. I had a huge yard to play in, a lake in my backyard, neighbors to watch over me when I was out of my parent's sight and life-long friends to grow up with from kindergarten to high school.

Looking forward - I finally feel content with who I am. FINALLY. There are still a few things I'm working on changing (ex: my shape) but for once I feel like I know who I am...now if only I could decide what to be when I grow up, but that too is something I'm working on. Luckily, working for a University provides a multitude of opportunities, including going back to school for close to nothing.

And in regards to my Birthday wish list below - I realize it's all material things that will eventually grow old and no longer be in style. I learned after our house fire that those possessions really don't mean much unless you have your loved ones surrounding you. In fact, the first thing I grabbed after the Fire Chief let us back into our house was all of our pictures. My real birthday wish list is fairly simple:

Another healthy and happy year with friends and family
To continue working and growing in a position that I enjoy

And last, but not least, if I had a disposable income right now I would love to have this to capture more memories:

Canon Rebel XSi - 12.2 megapixels

and a fancy Canon EF 28-135mm f/3.5-5.6 IS USM Standard Zoom Lens

Oh, hey there Suzie Homemaker!

2009-03-29T14:23:00.002-05:00

There's no better way to kick-off Spring in Wisconsin then with a WINTER storm warning. Yes, you read that right - WINTER storm warning. With the threat of up to eight inches being dumped on us last night, I decided to make a quick trip to Michael's. $25 later and I had all of the supplies needed to make an Easter wreath for my front door. I suppose I could have just purchased something, for a lot less, but I was feeling pretty crafty and this kept me entertained.

The supplies:

4 bags of plastic Easter eggs, a few flowers, a foam ring and some ribbon later:

So, what do you think of my...um...masterpiece?

Do you see what I see?

2009-03-12T19:34:00.005-05:00

Any true Wisconsinite knows that the first sure sign that Spring is on it's way is...

ROBINS!

These little devils were spotted at the ball diamond, across the street from my house, by Drew this afternoon. I don't think anyone really understands how excited I am about this (unless of course, you are a fellow Badger). Woohoo!

Color Quiz

2009-03-10T20:06:00.001-05:00

Check out this quiz to see what color you are. I, ironically, am dark violet which just so happens to be my favorite color!

you are darkviolet
#9400D3

Your dominant hues are blue and magenta. You're the one who goes to all the parties but doesn't quite fit in at every one... you know what you want, but are afraid of what the world might think of it. You're a little different and that's okay with them, and if you're smart it's okay with you too.

Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Click on the link at the bottom of my results to try this for yourself!

Personality Color Profile

2009-03-04T14:30:00.003-06:00

Check out this fun little quiz over at Pratt & Lambert Paint to determine your personality color profile. Mine is "mosaic" and I think it fits me and my design style to a "T."

Updates

2009-03-03T14:03:00.003-06:00

At the start of the year, I put together a to-do list for 2009. This is where we stand, as of today:

Paint the exterior of our house I think we might have finally agreed on a few colors, now we just need to pick one and stick with it

Finish the flooring Such and easy project to do and an even easier project to keep putting off

Update the kitchen (paint cabinets, walls, new hardware and new counter top) Almost finished!

Remodel the bathroom (hopefully!) We have ideas, but no money for this anytime soon

Landscape the yard I'll get motivated when the temps stay above 50 degrees

Tear out the concrete stairs leading up our driveway This will get done, come hell or high water! Waiting for the snow to melt and the ground to thaw. The little skater boys will be sad to see this "sick jump" get destroyed.

Eliminate all consumer debt In progress...and probably will be for the rest of my life...

Get healthy! In progress

Just when you think you're not feeling well....

2009-02-17T17:57:00.001-06:00

This kid has got you beat!

To my Valentine

2009-02-14T08:23:00.001-06:00

xoxo

2009-02-14T08:17:00.002-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

fail.

2009-01-30T14:16:00.003-06:00

Last night I arrived home from work to a pleasant surprise. Capital One had sent me a $50 gift card for being a long-time card holder, and wouldn't you know it, my gas tank just happened to be on empty. So, after dinner, Drew and I got in the car and headed over to the local gas station to fill up and satisfy Drew's sweet tooth with some candy. When I went to pay for everything, the cashier swiped my trusty Visa gift card and it was declined. He tried again...declined. One more time...declined. Ok, WTF, I seriously just got the card in the mail and even called to verify the balance before leaving home. I know there is $50 on that card just waiting for me to spend! I contacted customer service, only to be told by a mean lady that the card should work and there was nothing she could do. She insisted that the cashier was running it as a debit and the card can only be swiped as credit. The cashier tried two more times and of course the card was declined. Frustrated more than ever, I called customer service back, this time getting a much friendlier voice on the other end. She politely told me that the card takes up to two hours to be activated and there was nothing more that she could do. Of course, silly me, I didn't even think to bring my wallet with me because I assumed that the gift card would work - like it's supposed to. I ended up having to call my parent's to come rescue me from the embarassment. See, there really are benefits to living close to home!

Fast forward, one hour later, I was all ready to get settled in and watch my two favorite shows - The Office and 30 Rock and then I realized they were both re-runs! At that point, I had had enough surprises and just decided to call it a night.

All I can say now is - TGIF!

That's so random!

2009-01-23T11:37:00.002-06:00

25 Random Facts About Your's Truly:

1. I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. Ideas that I've had over the last 24 years are: teacher, astronomer, psychologist, school counselor, party planner, nurse, radiologist and a back up dancer to Britney Spears (yes, it's true).

2. I really don't care for the color blue, not even the slightest bit.

3. My favorite flower is a red poppy. I asked to have them in my wedding bouquet but the florist said I was "asking for the impossible."

4. On my job interview, with my current employer, the last question they asked me was "if you're house was burning down and you knew your family was safe, what is the first thing you would grab?" My answer, "all of my pictures." On July 18, 2007 the question turned into reality and the first thing I grabbed was all of my pictures.

5. As much as I used to complain about my hometown, I am grateful that my parents decided to raise me there - for multiple reasons.

6. I knew, after less than a month of dating, that Drew was going to be in my life forever.

7. My dream car is a 1967 Ford Mustang

8. I will only eat frosting if it's on a cookie or a cupcake. I do not like frosting on cake.

9. I wish I had a closer relationship with my sisters and brother. The age difference between me and them (15+ years) never allowed for us to bond.

10. I want, more than anything, to start a family soon. I want to be a younger parent, so that my children don't carry the anxiety that I do about having older parents. I want to be a part of their lives, and their children's lives, for a very long time.

11. I spent way too much money on my wedding day, but I would not change any little detail about it - the day was perfect!

12. I am very superstitious.

13. My hands are small, like 5-year old kid small, and it makes me feel self-conscience.

14. I'm terrible at math - even basic math.

15. I get along better with the guys. I only have a few very close girlfriends.

16. My favorite teacher of all-time was my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Helmeid.

17. I am, and always will be, obsessed with Britney Spears.

18. I am terrible at backing up, in a car. I can, however, parallel park like a pro. Does that make any sense to you?

19. The normal attention span of a human is 7 seconds - I'm pretty sure mine is 2 sec...oh look, a bird!

20. I am an internet junkie.

21. I will never refer to someone as a "man" or a "woman." I always call them a "guy" or a "girl."

22. I wish I knew more about my heritage.

23. Cooking is not my forte. Everytime I think I'm making something fabulous, Drew decides he's not hungry - I think it's a sign.

24. I like spring, summer and fall. I despise winter.

25. Whenever I smile, I push my tongue up against the inside of my front teeth.

YES WE CAN!

2009-01-20T12:39:00.002-06:00

Watching Barack Obama and Joe Biden get sworn into office was the most inspiring moment I have ever witnessed. I am so happy that I was given the opportunity to step out of my office, for a few hours, to watch the live stream of the inauguration with my fellow co-workers and students on campus. What a wonderful day it is to be American!

Say what?

2009-01-15T11:05:00.003-06:00

It's days like this that make me wish I lived somewhere warmer....with palm trees and fruity drinks.

The weirdest thing

2009-01-14T14:30:00.004-06:00

Last week I was completely knocked out by a viral infection. My symptoms were so bad that I played with the idea that it was more than a virus and could be the flu. I slept a lot, lost my appetite, had waves of nausea, a killer headache, aches and pains, vomiting, congestion, coughing...I could go on and on. The weirdest thing though was that amidst being super sick and losing my appetite, I had the strongest craving for green olives. Nothing else, just green olives and lots of them.

A week later, I'm FINALLY starting to feel better but I can't seem to kick my craving. I tried Google to see if there was an explanation to this madness but the search results were littered with everything under the sun about pregnancy. Certainly this cannot be the case...does anyone have any ideas? I was thinking that the olives contained some sort of nutrient that my body is lacking right now, but I've had no luck in finding that sort of answer online.

Looking forward

2009-01-01T19:52:00.003-06:00

Drew and I are not really the type of people to make resolutions each year, however this year I have put together a to-do list. My goal is to have this list complete by 12.31.09.

Paint the exterior of our house
Finish the flooring
Update the kitchen (paint cabinets, walls, new hardware and new counter top)
Remodel the bathroom (hopefully!)
Landscape the yard
Tear out the concrete stairs leading up our driveway
Eliminate all consumer debt
Get healthy!

I hope you all have a wonderful 2009! Happy New Year!

2k8 Rewind

2008-12-29T09:55:00.000-06:00

January:

Celebrated New Year's Eve with good friends; Dinner at Applebees and a party hosted by Joel and Ali
Spent New Year's Day in the ER with Drew due to food poisoning
Closed and moved into our first home on January 31!

February:

Out with the old and in with the new! We began tearing out all of the carpeting in our house and installed new wood laminate flooring.
Started painting the walls
Got slammed by a winter storm and soon realized that shoveling was hard work
Met our neighbors

March:

Continued making minor updates to our new home and finished ripping out carpet and installing the flooring
Got slammed by yet another winter storm and started dreaming of warm summer days

April:

Celebrated my 24th birthday with family and friends
Watched the snow melt and the flowers start to pop out of the soil

May:

Realized that our "grass" in the backyard was really poorly laid sod that only grew in ugly patches. We spent the entire Memorial Day weekend tearing up the backyard, with help from my dad and our friend Kyle, and re-seeding.
Scored a free lawn mower!

June:

Watched the grass grow in the backyard
Attended Krissi's going away party as she ventured down to Alabama
Rain, rain and more rain - had some minor flooding in our basement but nothing compared to what other people in the area had.

July:

Went camping over the 4th of July weekend with our good friends Jaimie and Bill
Celebrated the 4th of July, with family, at Uncle Rick's house
Attended the saddest Fish Day ever - no parade and heavy fog off the lake set a bad tone to the day.
Preston's 1st Birthday party!
Threw a housewarming party with our family and friends
Visited the local Fireman's Picnic
Attended the annual Armenian picnic at my grandma's church

August:

Spent a day at the beach for Mom's birthday

September:

Had a relaxing Labor Day weekend
Headed up north to "Camp Northern Comfort" for the weekend with some of the family
Celebrated Dad and Charlie's birthdays
Drew started his new job

October:

Celebrated Emma, Lucy and Heidi's birthdays with the entire family
Had a health scare with my dad - spent two days in the ICU
Partied like it was 1984 for Halloween and Jaimie's birthday with good friends

November:

Spent four days in sunny San Francisco to attend a conference for work
Went to school for the day with my neices, Emma and Lucy
Celebrated Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's house
Put up our Christmas decorations
Went shopping for the very first time on Black Friday (I don't think we'll ever do that again!)

December:

Scored a free, 25 year old, snowblower!
Got slammed by three big snow storms
Drew finally put new tires on his truck!
Celebrated Drew and Kyle's birthdays, together, with our friends
Drew was temporarily laid off from work, but quickly locked in a side job
Spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with our family
Attended Joel and Ali's wedding - Drew stood up as a groomsman
Realized that I am not totally over our fire, after a small one broke out at Joel and Ali's rehearsal dinner

Tasty Tuesday

2008-12-23T10:32:00.002-06:00

Rather then exchange gifts this year, my family has decided to do a cookie exchange. These are the cookies that I will be baking tomorrow morning, courtesy of Pilsbury:

Little Almond Sandwich Cookies

INGREDIENTS

Cookies
1 roll (16.5 oz) Pillsbury® refrigerated sugar cookies
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2teaspoon almond extract
1tablespoon granulated sugar

Filling
2 cups powdered sugar
1/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
4 teaspoons milk
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
1 drop red food color

DIRECTIONS

1. Heat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, break up cookie dough. Stir or knead in flour and almond extract until well blended.

2. Shape dough into 180 (1/2-inch) balls. Place balls 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheets. Press bottom of glass dipped into granulated sugar on each ball until 1/4 inch thick; prick top of each with a fork.

3. Bake 6 to 8 minutes until set but not brown. Cool 1 minute; remove from cookie sheets to cooling rack. Cool completely, about 15 minutes.

4. Meanwhile, in small bowl, beat filling ingredients with electric mixer on low speed until smooth and creamy. Spread about 1 teaspoon filling on bottoms of half of the cookies. Top each with another cookie, bottom side down; press gently. Store in refrigerator.

Shout out to baby Jesus!

2008-12-23T09:57:00.001-06:00

I love my job, but I love it even more this time of year. 12 days of paid vacation! YESSS!

Snow Day!

2008-12-19T16:56:00.002-06:00

I lucked out with a snow day today! Woohoo! Sometimes there are benefits to Wisconsin winters, and this would be one of them. :) I was hoping to bake some cookies today but with the sudden news yesterday, I never made it to the grocery store after work. So, instead, I slept in until about 11 and it felt GREAT! Around 11:30 some man came trolling down the sidewalk on his lawn mower, which had a huge plow attachment on it, and cleared not only the our portion of the sidewalk, but half of our driveway. I have no idea who this man was and I couldn't get a look at his face because he was all bundled up - if I ever find out though I'll give him a big hug! Sometimes the smallest gestures are the most appreciated, especially after the emotional mess I was last night. This 'masked man' brightened up my day and got me motivated to finish the rest of the driveway.

Tonight we're going over to my friend Maggie's house for dinner and I'm really looking forward to seeing her. She always cheers me up and Beasley, our min pin, loves playing with her pups.

As for Drew, he came home with some pretty good news. After talking to a few of the foremen and supervisors, they all told him that he was on the top of the list once they start making callbacks. One of his co-workers also offered him a side job until he starts working full-time again. He'll work 5 days/week, 8 hour days, and will get paid weekly. He will also learn more on Monday as to what steps to take for filing unemployment. We're both feeling a little more upbeat about everything, but we're still tired of these road bumps we keep hitting. I suppose life would be boring if it was perfect, right?

Happy Snow Day!

Are you there god? It's me, Megan.

2008-12-18T19:26:00.002-06:00

Riddle me this - If god only gives you what you can handle, then why do I feel like I'm about to break?

This afternoon I got a call from Drew while I was at work. Although this is not out of the ordinary, the tone of his voice was not right. It turns out that he is one of 33 people that got laid off today. WTF?!? His last day of work will be on Monday night, then he gets paid for the 10 day holiday break and that's it. Cut off. Do these people realize that we have bills to pay? I'm a mixed ball of emotions right now: it all started with disbelief, shock, sadness, frustration, anger, numbness, sadness, anger, confusion, blah blah blah. Seriously?

The only good news regarding this entire situtation is that:

he will receive his holiday pay
he was not let go because of performance - it was all seniority

Drew's step-dad just happens to be the union president so he kind of has the inside scoop of everything. I just wish someone could tell us how long this layoff will last. We're keeping our fingers crossed that Drew will get a call-back shortly after the holidays.

Enough said

2008-12-15T14:12:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday Drew!

2008-12-15T09:15:00.000-06:00

Today is Drew's 24th birthday and as much as I would like to tell you about our fabulous plans for tonight...we don't have any. However, we did host the 3rd annual joint birthday party for Drew and Kyle on Saturday night, which turned out to be a good time.

Here are some pictures of the birthday boy:

Happy Birthday Drew!

Looking ahead

2008-12-10T15:37:00.000-06:00

New Year's Resolutions v.2009

Get back in shape...as in the size I was eight years ago.
Get out of {consumer} debt.

Drew's employer offers a huge discount on any family membership to a gym. Unfortunately, he cannot take advantage of this benefit until he has been there for 90 days (December 21) so I will not actually start a workout program until after the holidays. I'm really looking forward to getting started. I'm more motivated than ever and I'm hoping that putting this resolution down in writing will help me to keep myself accountable.

As for getting out of debt, Drew and I have been digging ourselves out of the hole we so foolishly put ourselves into since July. I know that it's possible to have our slate wiped clean within 12 months, we'll just have to make a few more sacrafices and keep pluggin' along. The only debt I want to carry over into 2010 would be our mortgage and car loans.

Odd numbered years have not proven to be filled with much luck for me, but I'm still hoping for the best in 2009.

Obsession

2008-12-02T21:33:00.000-06:00

The Twilight Series - I'm not one for sci-fi anything, but I gave it a shot and got sucked in (no pun intended). Now I can't stop reading, it's like a drug. I've lost so much sleep because I can't put the books down - a few more chapters seems more appealing than another hour of sleep...I'm just sayin'.

Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte - Pumpkin deliciousness in all it's glory, the caffeine is just an added bonus to this yummy seasonal favorite.

CoffeeMate Pumpkin Spice Creamer - Since I can't afford Starbucks on a daily basis, this was the best substitute I could find. The best part? It was less than $3 and tastes almost as good as Starbucks.

Pashmina Scarves - I had already owned a few but on a recent trip to San Francisco, my obsession took over my logical, level-headedness and led me to purchase more. Black/Gray? Check. Red? Check. White? Check. Purple? Check. Aqua? Check. Pink? Done and done!

Britney Spears - Yes, I just said that. She's back and she's better than ever. Stronger, experienced and ready to rule the pop world again. It's Britney bitch!

Television - So many great shows...thank god for DVR!

The Office - How does this show manage to get better and better? Thursday nights are something I always look forward to (that's what she said!).

30 Rock - Just when I'm starting feel sad that The Office is over for another week, Tina Fey and her crew come to my rescue to give me another 30 minutes of laughter.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Um, hello? Why didn't someone tell me about this show earlier? I'm hooked and I can't help but feel some sort of connection to Dee.

Gossip Girl - Need I say more? This show is awesome and I adore all the fashion. And while I'm at it, I'm just going to say that I love Blair Waldorf and all her headbands. So there.

Guitar Hero: Wold Tour - To put it bluntly, this game rocks my socks. Drew and I found a grat deal on Black Friday that we just couldn't pass up. Should we have put the money towards something else? Of course! I'll just go with the excuse that we're young and stupid and well, hey, we don't get out as much as we used to and this is entertaining. Watch for our tour dates...

Blogging - Like that wasn't obvious?

Without Further Adieu

2008-12-02T21:23:00.000-06:00

I'll just start by saying that there are two things I really enjoy: writing in my journal and browsing blogs. I guess it only makes sense that I kill a two birds with one stone. So, without further adieu.....I give you my blog.